[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
NIALL LISTEN AND READ
I slammed my laptop shut, a mixture of emotions running through me. How could they say that? how could they say those things about me? I burred my face in my hands and began to uncontrollably cry, I’d held it in for so long but i couldn’t do it anymore. People telling me Im ugly, that my teeth are horrible and messed up. Saying that I’m annoying and that i can’t sing,that i should be kicked out the band. The last one hurt the most. Why was i never good enough? What had i done to make people hate me so much?I rummaged around in one of my draws, in search of a scrap of paper and a pen. After finding what i needed i headed into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it behind me. I didn’t want anyone walk in on what i was about to do. Crashing my back against the door i slid down it. My legs right into my chest as i curled up on the floor. Taking the pen in my hand i began to write out my goodbyes on the paper.
Liam, Harry, Zayn and Louis
I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry i am that you have to find me like this and know that this is how low my life got. I know this is far from what you thought would happen. But i haven’t told either one of you how badly everything has been building up inside. I made you think everything was ok, that i was happy. Well, Im not.
Everyone hates me, they don’t care about me, whether i live or die. They look at me and laugh, at the pitiful person that i am. Im a huge mistake and i should have just let you four be the band that you’ve always wanted to be, i shouldn’t have held you back and i beet myself up every day because of that.
I can’t thank you enough for everything you boys have done for me. Lou - all the times you made me laugh, i can’t even begin to explain what that meant to me, because for those few minutes every time, you took my mind off it all, made me forget about the pain i was going through. Liam - How do i even begin to thank you for all the times you listened to me, gave me advice and lead me in the right direction. Harry - A slow talker but the words that left your lips helped me so much. Give more people advice because you’re bloody amazing at it. And Zayn - Again the words that left your lips were amazingly helpful, you never judged me, you took me for who i was and accepted me, treated me like a brother, you all did.
which i why i feel so bad about doing this, but you have to know i have no other choice, I’ve tried everything else. Im so, so sorry. I love you boys, so much. None of you will ever know how grateful i am that i met you.
Goodbye, Nialler
After finishing my letter i folded the paper a few times and threw it down on the floor. Opening the bathroom cabinet i reached in and took out the first bottle of pills my hands came into contact with.Unscrewing the lid i poured out a handful, before closing the bottle and placing it back in the cabinet, as though it hadn’t even been touched.
I took one last look in the mirror, taking in the reflection that was thrown back at me. Why? That was the only question in my mind at that moment. Why did people have to do this to me?
Stopping my hand right in front of my mouth the boys entered my head, all the memories, all the happy times. I almost couldn’t do it. Nearly, very nearly i would have stopped it all and thrown the pills down the sink. But then the hurtful comments bounced back.
“You’re not good enough” “You don’t belong in the band” “you’re ugly”
Without another hesitation i tipped my head back swallowing down my handful of pills. Sitting back down on the floor, my eyes began to get heavy. I thought about the boys, guilt filling my body as i thought about them finding me, seeing my still body sprawled out across the bathroom floor.
“Im so sorry” I whispered as my eyes shut for the very last time, and everything went black.
*STOP THE HATE, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY TO PEOPLE AND THE EFFECT IT CAN HAVE ON THEM*
Not going to lie, writing this made me cry.
